What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 07:17
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Especially a lifetime of it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What is the STAR interview method?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why does a narcissist act like it's nothing when they hurt you?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why do men first look at a woman's chest instead of their face?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was seconnd youngest,
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She married twice! .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why is Roblox so laggy it’s unplayable? My computer is fine and the internet is great.
My life is so biszare .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
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The only rule us 5 kids had .
We all went to grammer schools
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So, i spoilt her more .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I will be 64.
He knew the spot.
All the time i was locked up.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So whats the point in blame.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Ive learnt so much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She loved him until the end.
One cannot live in the past .
I think the readers, may guess!
This is soul school!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She found it foreign!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Put me off passion for life!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was in good health!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Im still living with it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
What did i know ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
She wouldn,t have been !
And i lived it daily.
I was scared of men, in general
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I have no regrets .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
When she asked me how she looked .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I write beautiful poetry .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I waited trembling.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I couldn’t, believe it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It was going to be , some day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But, we were locked up after school.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I don,t even have a pension.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
(And it was in our own minds.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My family never makes their pension either.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We were not on the streets..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Would this be the day?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Who then, do I blame.?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But it wasn’t much.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I said to her
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Comes on , in middle age.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was 9 years of age.